eversion
by Ysavvryl
Summary: This is a cute and happy story about blood and pain! Because nothing terrible, horrible, or insanity-inducing could come out of a story about a flower! Right? Why does it hurt so much?
1. zero

**eversion**

zero :: one gem

Hello, new friend! How're you? I'm great! Call me Zee Too; my real name would make your head implode.

Ha hah hah hah! That's a great joke, isn't it? I like that joke.

Where did you come from? I live here in the Flower Kingdom. It's the mostest beautiful place EVER! I Love It! The sun shines so happily, the flowers show many happy colors, the trees spread happy feelings, and everybody is happy happy happy! And there's always things to do. I can run, and jump, and dance, and climb up on the rocks to jump into the clear pure lakes to make a big splash! And then float back to shore to do it again! Or I can sit in the sweet-smelling grass and enjoy a good sun bath.

I am a, uh, what do you call it? An Asterk Flower? Something like that. I'm the only one like me around here, but that's okay. I have lots and lots and lots of friends, like three, who are called Ghulibas. They're really nice and funny and know lots of good jokes like kicking me into the lake to make a different kind of splash. They like to dance too, although they don't jump like I do. When we all sing and dance together, that's the best days, I think.

Do you see the flag monument? It's awesome, right! Cause it has that white flag that waves in the wind. Sometimes I sit on a rock near it and watch it for hours because it's fascinating. It has stuff to say too. Mostly this: 'Be happy, because this is a wonderful place!' And this: 'Be happy and keep things bright!' So I do all that I can to make everybody happy, like playing along with the Ghulibas' tricks. Being happy is good and important.

But there's also something else it says, which has often confused me. See? It's right here on top, where you normally don't look, and it says: 'You have a terrible memory. If you want answers, find the gems and listen. When you have the right question, you will know what to do. Evert to find the truth within.' I don't know what it means. I don't think I have a terrible memory. But if I do, I wouldn't remember! Ha ha! That's a good joke too!

But now I'm wondering. Do I have a bad memory? Who are you again?

Where did that come from? It is so pretty, like a rainbow in a pebble. Is that what the monument calls a gem? It fits the sound of it. Then I have to take it and listen, huh? Okay, I can do that. I don't know what I'm listening for...

...no. I do. That's it, I want to know who you are. That means I should use eversion...

...like finding a differently colored thread and pulling on it to change the fabric of everything around you...

...such a tremendous feeling of power... this is fun!


	2. one

One :: three gems

Hello, friend! How are you? I'm fine. Call me Zee Too, the Asterk Flower!

Wow, do you remember that? I do! It was awesome! I feel all tingly all over still. And eversion changed everything.

Well, little bits of everything. Things smell differently, which is interesting. I've been going around smelling all the flowers and trees and grasses and it's not like it was before. I don't know if I can describe it well. It was all peaceful before, making me happy just to sit under the taller flowers and soak in that smell. Many times, I would sleep in the smell soak and I'd forget things. Now, smelling everything makes me feel invigorated. I want to explore and find more awesome places in the Flower Kingdom!

I realized that I do have a bad memory. I never really noticed because I only remembered things for ten minutes before the happy peaceful smells around me made me forget again. Still, I was happy so I don't think it was terrible I'm still happy, but now I'm wondering about more and more things. I'm still not sure who you are, even though I feel you close to me. I can't even see you, like you're on the other side of a glass screen that can only be seen through one way and you're on the side that can see. It'd be nice if you could find things out for me and pass them through the screen, but I think I can figure it out myself now that I can remember for longer than ten minutes.

Will you help me? I'd like that. I know you're my friend, so I can trust you.

I would ask the Ghulibas to help me explore, but they became different too. They used to dance almost all the time, I know, and they used to be white and all kinds of colorful. Now they're all kinds of brown and they're mostly interested in walking around. I asked them what's going on, and they told me to be careful of the gems. I'm not sure what they mean. The gems let me evert and that feels awesome. I found a couple more gems today. But the Ghulibas don't like them. I showed them the gems I had and one of them kicked me into the nearby pond.

But not as a joke. It was different. It... it hurt! And then when I fell in the water, I sank and got wet. I never got wet before. It's just as bad as getting kicked and hurt, because the wetness surrounds me and soaks into everywhere, and then I can't feel the rays of the sun until I dry off. I don't like being wet and I don't like being hurt. It made me sad.

But I shouldn't be sad. I should be happy, like the monument says. The Flower Kingdom is still a beautiful happy place, and it's even bigger than I ever imagined before. That makes me eager to explore again, because there's all kinds of possibilities out there and I don't need to hang around these three Ghulibas who insist on kicking me into the pond and getting me wet. Not even the big splash of diving in is worth the wetness. But if I stay dry, I'm sure I can stay happy.

I got a letter recently, which is strange because I don't think I've ever gotten a letter before. Although I wouldn't remember if I did because I couldn't remember long. Anyhow, the letter was from someone called Nehema and she says that she is the Princess of the Flower Kingdom. I didn't know that we had a Princess! I think she's pretty. With a name like that, she has to be a pretty flower girl. She was very nice in her letter with curly handwriting. She even invited me to her castle for tea with cakes and dainties.

I don't know what that means, but it makes me feel hungry. Sitting in the sun helps me not feel hungry, but then I read the letter and feel hungry again. It's weird. But now I'm curious about Nehema. She says that in order to get into her castle, I need the power of two hundred and forty gems. That's a lot! I only have three. I wonder what I can do with two hundred and forty gems in my petals. She also mentions eversion as being part of the path to get more gems and find her castle. Apparently some gems only appear on certain layers. Layers seem to be the places I see, because I think I've seen two so far. I everted once, so that makes sense.

Who is Princess Nehema?

That's the question! And I think that's another gem there. So I have four. Listening... I hear another loose thread.

I evert.


	3. two

two :: nine gems

Hi friend! How are you? I'm fine, thrilled at another successful eversion! Call me Zee Too... oh right, you should remember my name. Your memory is not as bad as mine.

Things seem very different this time! So much has changed, yet so much remains the same. The sun feels warmer, filling me with such fullness and energy. The grass and leaves are a deep green, as they enjoy the powerful sun too. There aren't as many flowers as before, but what ones are around are growing long vines and strong leaves. When I think about it and feel the sun, I think that this summer.

Funny thing about summer: now there are big fluffy things in the air! I think they're called clouds. If I can find a big enough hill or tree with a low enough cloud, I can jump right onto the clouds and be in the air! It's amazing! Eversion is so amazing. I found a few gems up in the sky too, as well as something interesting. I found a loose thread way up in the sky, and when I tugged on it, I everted back to the layer I had been on before even though I didn't have a question! But then I fell out of the sky and that hurt. On thinking about it, that layer is called spring.

That eversion thrilled me so much that I went hunting for another loose thread and found my way back to the summer layer. Then I could evert back to spring again! This is awesome! It made me so happy to go back and forth almost freely. Then I found another loose thread somewhere in the summer layer, but I couldn't touch it. So, I think there's another layer, and if I'm right, that layer is autumn. I wonder what autumn is like. But I can't reach autumn until I have enough gems and the right question.

I am remembering so much now. I know lots of things that I didn't know before I reached this layer. Like, the monument with the flag is called a goalpost, although I'm not quite sure what it's a goal of. Also, when I got kicked in the pond and got all wet, that was drowning. But drowning should lead to death, the end of life. And, I didn't die when I drowned a few times on the spring layer. I'm still alive. That is... well, strange. I have this idea that death is a final end, something that can't be returned from. But then I can't explain why I didn't die when I should have because I drowned. Why not?

Unfortunately, that's not the right question to get to autumn. I felt something on asking it. Maybe uncertainty. But it's not an eversion question. What is the right question?

The Ghulibas are being strange. Now they're all bright red and I can't explain why. I have this idea that they're blood red now, but I can't put an idea to 'blood' yet beyond the color. It seems to be related to pain, which makes me wary of being around the blood red Ghulibas. However, they are my friends and even though they kicked me around earlier, I went to ask them some questions about where to find gems and eversion points.

And they were, well, they were... mean. They yelled at me for collecting the gems and everting so many times. They say that I'm going to bring about a disaster and it'll ruin the entire Flower Kingdom. When I told them that I just wanted to explore and find the princess' castle, they called me an idiot and a fool. One of them even kicked and bit me until it left marks on my petals! That hurt worse than before! And it made me cry and run away. I don't get them now. I thought they were my friends.

I found another Ghuliba that I don't think I've met before, but it was just as bloody as the rest now. I asked that one what was going on with the others. The Ghuliba told me that I had been doing something bad in using the gems to evert, but I could fix things if I wanted and make everyone happy and safe again. I could use them to evert back to the layer past spring, then throw all the gems into the pond and stay there.

The monument goalpost says that we should be happy for the beautiful Flower Kingdom, so that's what I did. I don't have a word for that layer past spring. In fact, when I went back, I took a deep breath and forgot everything again. But then... I wasn't happy. I wasn't sure why back then. I could jump in the ponds to make big splashes again, without getting wet and drowning. But it just wasn't as fun.

While I was looking down in the pond at the gems sparkling like rainbows, something came back into my mind. I remembered the excitement of exploring new places and the thrill of eversion that filled my entire body. And I wanted that again. Being happy among the sweet-smelling grasses was nothing compared to everting. Then I had this deep desire to feel eversion again and it was so powerful that not even the most wonderful smelling flowers and grass could take my mind off it. But all my gems were at the bottom of the pond and on the layer beyond spring, I could not reach them.

My drive to evert gave me the energy to explore, even with the smells trying to get me to stay still and forgetful. And, I found another gem. That led me to rushing about until I found a loose thread so I could evert. It was like a wave of relief filling my petals, making me tremble in joy. Then I jumped into the pond to retrieve the twelve other gems I had. Never mind that it drowned and hurt me again. I have thirteen gems now and the power I feel makes me believe that once I figure out the next question, I can reach autumn. So I've been thinking and thinking, trying to find the question to reach the next layer. Maybe even reach the truth, as the monument says.

While I thought, I got another letter from Princess Nehema. But her handwriting wasn't as nice in this one. It was like she was rushing to write it down and contact me. Reading it revealed why: someone was mean enough to hit Nehema and kick her into one of the towers of her castle. Then they locked her up inside and would not let her out, not giving her any sunshine or water. And I realized, she could die like that!

Why are people mean?

That's... that's it! That's it that's it that's it! Ha ha ha, I can go to autumn! I can evert even further! I... I have to get back to that eversion point! I must...

But, it's not just because I like how it makes me feel. That's good, but now, I have a real reason to explore the kingdom and find all two hundred and forty gems. I have to get into the castle and unlock the tower door so that Princess Nehema won't die. Then maybe I'll find out what tea and cakes and dainties are. And, since I will rescue her, that makes me a hero.

And that's great!

I will evert to autumn.


	4. three

three :: thirteen gems

Hi friend! How are you? I'm fine, if a little tired now. It's Zee Too, as usual.

Exploring is tougher than I thought it'd be. When I go far enough, my feet begin to hurt from walking and jumping and falling. I thought it only hurt if the Ghulibas attacked me or I fell in the water or I fell off a cloud. But there's more things that can hurt a flower, I find. I also get hungry a lot, even if I don't look at Nehema's letters. I try to sun, but it doesn't fill me up any more. Although, I did find out that I can eat the grasses and that stops the little pain of hunger. The taste is not as nice as sunning.

I think the reason why sunning doesn't work as well on this layer is because the sun is weak. Like the spring layer, but I don't get hungry as fast in spring as I do in autumn. If I'm lucky, I can evert back to summer and soak up the sun there when I get really hungry. But more often than not, I find that I can't progress with finding more gems unless I am on the autumn layer. They're easy to get here, I already have six more.

Autumn is very different. Not only is it cooler with a weaker sun, but the clouds seem different. They bring rain, which is water falling from the sky. It's not enough to drown me, but it does make me wet and I still don't like being wet. They also don't seem quite as fluffy as they are in summer, although they're still soft to walk on. All sorts of plants are changing color and losing fullness. It's kind of pretty, with the trees full of red, yellow, orange, green, and purple, although the flowers are wilted and brown. I haven't changed color, not yet. Maybe that's because I can get back to the strong summer sun easily. I wonder if these are the same flowers and trees as on previous layers?

Things feel different in the Flower Kingdom on the autumn layer. When I look at the colorful leaves falling through the air, I know I should feel happy at how wonderful our land is, like the goalpost monument says. And yet, I feel a little sad when I see them fall. Wistful, I think that's the right word. It's like my heart knows that something isn't right, that something in the future won't be good or happy. I want to grasp these leaves and wilting flowers, to treasure them. I want to bring them back to the spring and summer layer, so they can be strong and happy again.

And you know where this wistful feeling is strongest? Where I felt a loose thread in a place where I could not evert back to summer. It... it scared me, actually, the first time I can remember feeling scared. What lies ahead of me if I follow that thread? How many layers are there in the world?

That's the question. But I'm not sure I want to find the answer to it. I want to be happy, like the monument says I should be. Now I'm regretting not staying in the layer before spring. Here I am walking with weary feet in a cool rain that's making my petals droop from the weight of the water, and I want to be back where I couldn't get wet at all, the Ghulibas danced, and I could be happy just sitting in the grass and sunning. I don't need that feeling that eversion gives me. I don't! Not if it puts me here in the wistful autumn. I could stop whenever I wanted to. I can. Being happy is better than being wistful.

And yet... the princess is still in trouble and I have nowhere near enough gems to enter her castle. She sent me another letter, which really made me feel sad. She's alone in her tower. While trying to escape, she managed to make a window in her room, so she can get sun and not starve to death. But she can't get out and she has no more friends, just me that she sends letters to and the mean person who locked her in the tower in the first place. I'm worried about Nehema. Are her tears falling like the rain? That would be very unpleasant.

The Ghulibas are still complaining that I should stop everting and go back to before spring. They say that I should stop the progress of time once again and stop tugging at the fabric of the world. They say it like I'll eventually tear a hole in the world, especially if I manage to make it to the castle to see Nehema. But she's alone and sad. I can't leave her like that.

At least the Ghuilbas are slowing down, losing energy like I do because of autumn. They seem dull now, mean in their words but they don't even try to attack me. Still, I got frustrated with one of them accusing me and I jumped on it so hard that I think it died. They used to be my friends, so realizing what I had done frightened me for a little while. But then I realized, they were never really my friends. They kicked me even back before it hurt, and while I used to dance near them, they never invited me to dance with them. Now they're trying to stop me from doing something that I'm really good at, exploring and everting. They don't want me to rescue the princess. Maybe they were mean all along, trying to keep me dumb and forgetful so that nothing ever changed.

It might have been good for nothing to change, back in the layer beyond spring. But I know I can't stay there anymore. I'll feel that desire to explore and evert once again, dismissing this wistfulness and pain because I won't be able to remember it. And I can't leave the princess locked up in that tower. I will continue!

On realizing that, I discovered that killing that Ghuliba had released another gem, now dimmer but still colorful, like the autumn leaves. It's the thirteenth I've found in autumn, the twenty-sixth overall. And I feel that question rising again: how many layers are there in the world? I know it's time; I can evert one layer further to... to winter.

Why does that word leave me fearful?

Nevertheless... it's time. I evert to winter.


	5. four

four :: forty gems

H-hi friend. It's Zee Too. I'm... glad to feel you nearby again. How are you doing? I'm fine. No, really, I'm fine. I'm fine... sniff.

I feel dreadful.

Winter is not a good time. For a little while, I felt really happy and almost as ecstatic as I used to be, because of the eversion. It was really powerful after trudging through autumn so long. But as the thrill of it wore off, I took a look around and realized, winter is awful. There's really nothing beautiful to it. Everything looks gray, there's no leaves on the trees, no grass on the ground, no flowers on the wilted vines. The ponds are solid so I can't drown, but the touch of them is painfully cold so I don't want to be anywhere near them. It's all dead. The Flower Kingdom is dead in winter.

Not even the Ghulibas are safe. I found them, still, lifeless, and frozen to the ground. When I found them like that, I got really scared. How was I still moving? I tried to come up to one and be by it, find some way to warm it up to bring it back to life. But it didn't work and I got hurt when I touched it. I wish I could bring back some of summer's rays to them. The sun is so weak in winter, it even makes the air seem gray and lifeless. There is no wind.

After exploring winter for a while, I felt so awful and hungry that I raced back to the eversion point. But, it wasn't there anymore. My contact with you was weaker too; I couldn't feel you at all. I didn't even get a new letter from Nehema. I felt so alone and hungry and painful and cold... I realized that winter is dead and empty.

And then the emptiness took form. I don't know how to describe it. It was like a cloud, but clouds don't move like it did. Clouds aren't as dark as it was. Clouds don't consume everything like it did. Watching it, I knew that the emptiness was worse than death, because at least something remains after death. Nothing remains after emptiness consumes it. And it was coming towards me.

I was terrified! I ran and ran and tried to get away... sniff. But it kept coming, kept following me, and then... it consumed me.

But... I'm still here.

I don't understand it. I should be dead. I should be more than dead. But here I am, still alive. When I could feel myself again, I didn't see the form of emptiness at first. It did come back after I searched winter further, finding more gems but no more eversion point back. There was once when I found an eversion point, but, it went to a layer beyond winter. What lies beyond winter? I really don't want to go there.

Oh, but I'm fine now. I'm relieved. I can feel you again, my friend, so I'm no longer alone. If you're with me, I'm sure the emptiness can't catch up to me again. It's a certainty deep in my heart. So please, stay with me and help me find my way back.

I... I'm sorry Princess Nehema. I can't do this anymore. I want to go back beyond spring, to where the grasses smell sweet and forgetful, and I don't have to feel empty anymore. You have the sun, so you have to be okay even if you're locked in a room. I can't do this... my tears are making me wet.

What's with the lack of eversion points in winter? I picked up thirty-nine gems here while I was running from the emptiness, so I have sixty-five. Surely I should be able to go to whatever time or layer I want. I am hungry, so hungry that I can hardly think. The vines are too tough to eat. Maybe I should try some of the bark off the trees.

Oh wait... there! There's an eversion point, and it doesn't make me feel dread. This must be... we will evert...

Yes! We're back in autumn! Oh thank goodness. I actually feel warm, even if I thought this place was cool before. Ha ha... no, it's not really funny. I'm just so relieved. You're back, I'm back in a sensible time and... I think that's another eversion point, back to summer.

Phew, and now I don't have to worry about feeling empty from hunger again. Ah, the sun is so wonderful! I never appreciated it before like I do now. I could just stay here and be happy... no, no, I still remember being empty. I need to forget. I need to get back beyond spring, and this eversion point here should take me to spring.

Wow, so many colors! No one could feel empty here. No one could... I couldn't...

Why do I still feel empty?

Uh... no. No no no, NO! I'm not going to even try answering that question. I've realized that, while eversion itself feels really really good, I just feel worse and worse as I go further. The Ghulibas get meaner, the colors fade, everything loses its nice scent, everything loses its niceness. What could be beyond the emptiness of winter?

No, that's not even the same question! Stop thinking, mind! Please friend... play with me? Do something to distract me from thinking. Oh, I know! I just have to get back beyond spring and take a deep breath of the grass and it won't matter anymore. I won't be able to think. I just hope that I won't remember the emptiness.

What is going on? Why is the emptiness still chasing me all the way back in spring?

There... there! There's an eversion point right behind that gem and it doesn't go to summer! Hah hah, I'll beat the emptiness! I'll get to a point where it can't possibly chase me. Let's evert and forget this whole adventure ever started. Might as well grab the gem since it's blocking the way.


	6. five

five :: one hundred gems

I...

Ah...

I...

What?

WHY AM I IN SO MUCH PAIN?

My eyes... they hurt so much. I... I should be beyond spring, where there's no pain. Friend? Who are you? Are you okay? N-no... don't go! Don't be scared. It's okay, it's okay, we'll be fine, we'll be fine. It's just me, Zee Too. Can you see? I'm... having a hard time seeing. My eyes hurt.

Why did Princess Nehema tell me to come to her if the way to get to her would be so painful? Who is Princess Nehema? Who locked her up? Why would anyone be so mean? Is she being mean to me, or is the person who locked her up being mean to me? How many layers are there left to reach her? Why is the world so devoid of answers? Has the emptiness consumed the truth?

What is going on?

I don't feel good...

…

…

…

Why can't I die?

I... it's just occurred to me. I should be dead many times over. Falling out of the sky, drowning, being kicked and bit by Ghulibas until I couldn't move, being frozen, starvation, sun-deprivation, being consumed by emptiness... I should be dead. But, I'm not. Are, are you still there, friend? I can barely feel you right now through this pain. Stay close to me. I'm scared and I'm full of pain that just won't stop.

...what's that? I know it's not you. Something is trying to touch me. Maybe I can open my eyes without hurting any more than I am...

It's... this isn't the layer beyond spring. It's the layer beyond winter. And... it's so red. Red like... blood. And that thing, the hand just behind me...

IT'S TRYING TO PLUCK MY PETALS OFF!

Is it gone? Can it reach me anymore? Well... I ran into a lot of gems while running, grabbing them without thinking. Having these gems has mitigated the pain some, but it still hurts. I can see better. Although, I wish I couldn't. It's not like there's blood everywhere, it's just red... in many places. And the water here looks like brown sludge, smells like rotten leaves. Ugh.

When did I get here? I thought that I could only move to layers in sequence. Like if spring was one, I could only move to summer at two, or the forgetful time at zero. But... I everted straight from spring to this layer beyond winter. One to five. That shouldn't be possible. What's going on?

Maybe if I get more gems, I'll stop feeling pain again. Although I'm going to need lots of gems for that to happen. They're dull here, a little ominous. When I look into them, it's like I'm seeing a face without eyes inside them. But no matter how creepy they are, I need to get the gems. Stop this pain. Stop it!

Oh, there's a Ghuliba! Thank goodness, something famili... wait... what's wrong with it? The Ghuliba is so... black. It's not a color I've seen on any Ghuliba before. It's moving. Hey Ghuliba, can you...? Ghuliba? Why are you smiling now? That smile doesn't look right. It's...

Ack, it's the plucking hands and the Ghuliba's trying to eat me now! I'm not good to eat! You can't be that hungry. Stop it! Stop!

Those teeth...

…

I should have died again. But I didn't. I'm behind the Ghuliba now. I'm not quite sure how I got here; I just know that I am. Are you still listening, friend? What should I do? Help me. It turned and saw me. It's going to eat me again! No, that hurts! I've got to kill it!

…

Friend? Where did you go? Please don't disappear again. That scares me.

The Ghulibas, they bleed now. They bleed a lot. Gems appear in their blood sometimes. And when I kill them, I smell the blood and... I get hungry. Really hungry. So, I eat them. The Ghuilbas. They were once my friends. They taste good. But the pain I feel now, it's such terrible guilt and fear and confusion that neither the gems nor the blood gets rid of. I am in so much pain.

I thought for a little bit that I had gotten so hungry that I had eaten you.

I got a letter from the princess, but it got splattered in blood and I can't read it.

What's going on?

Wait a moment... that question... that never opened up a new layer before. But the strong questions always do. I have... I don't know, a lot of gems. Over a hundred? Is there a layer beyond this one, beyond the layer beyond winter?

Yes... I can feel it now, a loose thread deep within the world. A layer deeper in the world. A layer... deeper...

Ha... ha ha... eversion. Yes, that's the answer, eversion. That sweet intoxication will stop all this pain and guilt. I just need to evert. Backwards, forwards, deeper, keep everting keep feeling that power.

Ha...


	7. six

six :: sixty-six gems

Ha ha ha... oh, hello friend. I am called Zee Too, because if you tried to say my real name, you might implode both of our minds.

Ha ha ha! That's still a great joke! The best joke!

Hah...

I like blood. It leads to tasty food. When I bleed, it is so pretty that it reminds me of the flowers of spring, and that makes me feel so very happy. Happy happy happy. I'm happy. I'm bleeding. The pain makes me happy, because the pain means that I'm alive. See all the blood, all around? And it's not just trickles of it anymore, like on the layer before. Blood explodes! And it is so very very pretty.

Hee hee hee.

Oh look, look! All the plants have spikes now! Isn't it awesome? I wish I had spikes. The Ghulibas have teeth now, but I don't have teeth or spikes. I could make more blood if I had spikes. Then I would smash all the Ghulibas up and have a swim in that pretty pretty blood.

Ha ha hah!

I am so hungry. Being hungry makes me feel empty. But you know what stops the hunger? Blood.

I hurt a lot. Some of it is my fault. I've been teasing the hands that pluck... there's so many of them now! Their touch really hurts, like it will kill me, but then I don't die and I get to tease them all over again! And you know what stops the pain? Blood.

I think the gems are made of blood too. They look like blood now. Blood blood blood.

Hey friend? Do you bleed? What does your blood taste like? Mine doesn't taste as good as the Ghulibas' blood, but I think they have a different opinion of that. I wonder if I should eat you.

I am so hungry...

…

…

…

Friend?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't eat you. I'm sorry. Please come back. Please come back. Please? I promise I won't eat you. I'm too full of sadness and guilt when you're gone. Please? I'm sorry.

Why am I so hungry?

Friend? What have I been doing? Why am I covered in sticky icky blood? I thought I was remembering better. What's happening to me? Sob... why?

Why?

I.. need to evert. I have to. No, don't stop me! While you were gone, I started feeling so awful, but I found an eversion point backwards, to the fifth layer. And I could go back and back, even to the first layer where spring is. Although, I couldn't find a point to go beyond spring again. It made me feel good and powerful again, but it didn't last as long as before. Just a moment of bliss, and then, and then... I would feel hungry. The sun doesn't satisfy me anymore. The grass doesn't... not even blood. Just... the gems, and eversion. I started feeling pain everywhere, no matter what layer I was on, but it went away if I found a new gem or if I everted. I need to evert again. Where's the nearest eversion point?!

There it is! It feels... different. Another layer? But I don't care. I need to evert. I will evert.


	8. seven

seven :: seven gems

Hello, old friend. How are you? It's me, Zee Too. I'm fine. Hello. How are you. I'm fine. Hello. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Hello. It's me, Zee Too. I'm fine. Hello, Zee Too. I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'M FINE!

I mean, I am hungry. And my petals hurt. And my feet hurt. And my eyes hurt. And my nose hurts. And my mouth hurts. And I'm hungry. But I'm fine.

Nothing's wrong. It's okay. I'm fine. I can't hear anything but my heart beating. And the hands screaming. And the blood exploding when I kill the Ghulibas. But I'm fine.

Hello, call me Zee Too.

At least I'm not wet. All the ponds are filled with mud. I get dirty in mud, not wet. At least it's not blood. I'm fine. I'm Zee Too. I'm fine.

I can't think very much or it hurts. But I'm fine. I'll explore. I'll find new eversion points. Maybe even a new layer. Gems have gotten scarce, but that's fine. I'm fine. I'll find the castle and rescue the princess. We'll be fine.

I can't die. But that means that I'm fine. Right? Right. If death is not the end of me, then it's not really death and I'm fine. I can throw myself into the pits with those plucking hands and die over and over and over and over and over and over and die and die and die and die and die and die and hello, call me Zee Too. I'm fine. How are you? I'm fine. I just died again. But I can't die. I'm fine.

It always hurts. Everything hurts. Everything has thorns or teeth but me. The Ghulibas chase right after me, and they move so very fast, grinning with all of their sharp wonderful teeth. But they bleed when I stomp them. Everything bleeds. I bleed too. But I don't die. I'm fine.

I wish eversion felt like it did before. It was so amazing at first. Now? Now it's like when I die. The pain ends, for a moment. Sometimes I even feel happy, especially when I evert here to the seventh layer. But stopping the pain is good enough for me. I should evert again soon. But don't worry, friend. I'm fine. I can stop as soon as I find the princess. I'm fine.

I'm fine... just, friend? Don't leave me again. Being alone is worse than being in pain. Because when I feel alone, it returns. The form of emptiness, the nothingness. It's bleeding as well. It consumes all so that I hear nothing, I see nothing, I smell nothing, I feel nothing, and for a brief time, I am nothing. But then I return, the emptiness is gone for a little while longer, and I'm fine again. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

I tried to read a goalpost monument, to remind myself that I was in the Flower Kingdom and I should be happy. It's hard to remember that right now. It's hard to remember anything when it hurts so much. But, I couldn't read the goalpost. Its messages were all scratched out, save for one thing: 'memory'. My memory is terrible again.

I am called Zee Too, and I am from the Flower Kingdom. Hello friend. How are you? I'm fine. I'm looking for Princess Nehema's castle. Do you know where it is? Why can't I die?

That... that question... that question! It's been haunting me, all along it seems like. Why can't I die? No matter what happens to me, I don't die and I'm fine again. Is it... is it finally time to learn the answer to that? Or the answer to any of these questions?

And the fact that I've finally come to that question can only mean... I'm running out of layers to explore. Good good, fine, I'm fine. When I find the end, it will all make sense. I know that, I feel it. I just need to continue a bit further... press on despite this pain... I'll be fine, we'll be fine. Right, friend?

Let's evert.


	9. eight

eight :: one gem

...my friend?

Don't be afraid. It's me, Zee Too. It's very dark here. Don't be afraid. You're here with me. I'll be brave. I won't be afraid. I'll be fine. Just, stay with me. Don't let the emptiness come here.

I feel... strange. It's... it's nice here. The dark. There's no sun, but that's fine. The darkness fills me like the light of the sun once did. Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. We'll make it. We'll see Princess Nehema and have some cake.

I've been in pain and hunger for so long now that I hardly feel it. It's fine. I can't die anyhow, not of the pain, not of starvation. It doesn't matter. The pain and hunger fill me like the darkness, which is why I'm no longer afraid. I think that if I smell the grasses beyond spring again, way back on layer zero, that I would be in much more pain than I am now. I couldn't live with that ignorance and shallow happiness again.

The Ghulibas have eyes that shine red and teeth that gleam white, teeth that can rip my petals to shreds in an instant. But that's okay. I can't die. I'll just reappear behind them and keep going. I'm not afraid of them. I'm not eating them anymore either. What's the point? They can't fill this hunger inside me. I don't eat anything anymore. It won't satisfy me. Only eversion can do that. And, the gem. The one last gem I need to have two hundred and forty, and thus enter Nehema's castle. Then none of this will matter anymore. I don't know why, but I know that's the truth. I must be very close to the truth then.

I'm not sure where I'm going. I've seen Nehema's castle. It's black and dark, and spiky. Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. Perhaps it looks more like the pretty flowers on the other layers. But I know that's the place. She's there. Once I get the last gem, I'll be there too. This path looks the same as it did a few minutes ago. Maybe I died again.

I just need to find the last gem.

It's not far. I can feel it, but... no. No. No, I don't want this! Don't make me do that! Ugh. Friend, could you...? No. No, I'm sure you couldn't. Plus, I don't want you to leave me again. The consuming emptiness would return. But the last gem, it's on layer zero. Right here, outside of the front gates of Nehema's castle, a place I could never reach when I was entranced by the grasses and falsehood of layer zero. I'd have to leave the darkness. This darkness, which I've grown to like. It's cold, but, it suits how I feel inside.

But I can't enter the castle without it. So, backwards we much travel.

To layer seven. This is where I started to accept the darkness, after the pain had broken me so much.

To layer six. This is where my mind snapped and I nearly lost you forever. I'm sorry I tried to eat you.

To layer five. Now that I look at it, why was I so horrified of it?

To layer four. I could be comfortable here, in this deadness. Being free of the plucking hands would be a relief.

To layer three. There's too much color, it should all be red or black.

To layer two. This brightness, it fills me with such light that I'm burning. Why did I think this was pleasant?

To layer one. So... very... cheerful... I was a wimp to think the pain here was intolerable. All pain is tolerable.

To layer zero... the layer of lies. But also where the last gem lies, my final key to the truth. Princess Nehema's castle is blindingly white here, covered in white flowers with pale colors and an overbearing sweet smell that threatens to crush my mind more cruelly than pain does. At least pain still lets me think. This smell makes me ignorant, which does make me happy, but being happy is not worth being unable to think properly.

And now I have two hundred and forty gems, standing at the front gates of Nehema's castle. Should we go in on this layer or travel back to layer eight, which I like best? But... listen! The plucking hands are filling the air with screams as they rip through the fabric of layer zero, trying to find me. It seems that my talent in eversion and collecting gems did put holes in the world. Huh. Well, what do I care? I'm...

Who am I again?

Oh... right...


	10. nine

nine ::

Hello old friend. How are you? I'm fine. It's the time of truth. I know the answers now. I know everything.

Who am I? I am... well, call me Zee Too. If I spoke my true name, the minds of mortals would implode.

I'm not joking anymore.

Why can't I die? It's because I can't live. The Asterk Flower that I've perceived myself as for so long... it's a lie, it's not what I am. It's only a part of myself.

Why am I so hungry? Because I can't live, I am inherently empty. I can be satisfied if I deny my true self, if I push my conscious mind, that is, what you see as Zee Too the Asterk Flower... if I push that past several layers of ignorance, then I don't perceive the constant all-consuming hunger within me. But once I started everting through those protective layers of ignorance, I come into closer contact with my true self, and thus my true hunger and emptiness.

What's going on? I can't stop or end this hunger. I have to keep eating, keep consuming whatever I come across. Death cannot stop me, for I have never lived. But somewhere along the line, I began thinking. The thoughts formed into the mind of Zee Too. As Zee Too, I was very lonely. I eat everything and I began to notice that when I eat things that think, I can think even more. I began to pine for company, but any time I found and spoke to someone, I would get hungry and eat them. And so I was lonely all over again. But then, I figured out about the layers of ignorance.

Why do I feel empty? I made this world out of my loneliness, disconnecting more and more parts of my mind until Zee Too entered layer zero and thus was finally able to be happy, thinking he had many friends and a beautiful place to live. The monument I made helped to enforce that happiness and ignorance. But, I suppose that the intelligence that somehow sparked within me made the whole farce doomed to fail. Zee Too was weak, so the power I forgot became intoxicating when I found it again. I am an insatiable hunger that cannot live and cannot die. Ignorance was the only thing that could fill me, and even that did not last long.

How many layers are there in the world? This world is not real. It's simply something my mind crafted. The layers... I think there are ten. I know everything now, so unless I find that I am still ignorant somewhere, ten is all there will be.

Why are people mean? They're afraid of me. They keep trying to destroy me, calling me an unspeakable evil. But, I can't die. I simply consume them along with everyone else. Thus their meanness to me became internalized in my imaginary world of ignorance. And, I think my loneliness made them mean too. I do feel guilty, for killing those I tried to make my friends. I wanted a friend but I couldn't have one. So as I put up more and more layers of ignorance, I lied to myself and said that it wasn't my hunger that was ruining all my friendships, but their meanness. They can't understand a being like myself. And thus... even my imaginary creatures were mean to me.

Who is Princess Nehema? Nehema... she is a being like me. Can't live, can't die, must consume everything. I thought I was alone, so I tried to consume myself. But she is out there. She found me somehow and was able to reach me in the deepest layers of my ignorance. Why did she do that instead of eat me right off? I can't really answer that one right now, but I think I know the answer anyhow. She's lonely too. If I can consume enough to create a spark of intelligence within me, then surely the same thing happened to her. She found me before she tried consuming herself, but...

I can think of two reasons she hasn't eaten me yet. One, she wants to know what I have been living through, so she's observing me first. She has a great amount of self-restraint to do that, that or she hasn't fully reached me yet. Or two, she wants to give me a chance to consume her. She knows what this unrelenting hunger is like. Maybe she wants to see whose hunger is more powerful.

However, I've managed to consume myself, and she apparently hasn't. Right, I'll come out of myself and go to her. I'll meet her, reach out to her, consume her while she consumes me. Only one of us will win, but... it doesn't really matter who wins. Because the one that was consumed will always be within the one who consumed. Thus, we will never be lonely again. We'll always be one, together.

Perhaps this is what they call love? I love Nehema already. I do not care what comes of this meeting as long as we become one.

Oh. Oh right. There is one more question.

My friend, who are you?

Well, isn't it obvious? I consumed myself out of loneliness. So... you are me.

Let's meet with Nehema, so we'll never be lonely again.

* * *

_Author's Notes: Written during NaNoWriMo, posted since I met a goal. This fic is not meant to be exact, just a way of interpreting this interesting little game. It's one of my favorites to watch as an LP.  
_


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